Baby Fever

Motherhood

I dread the thought

Not because of the boogers, poop, or crying

But because I don't know if I'd make a good one

I love the sound of baby laughs

I love to see babies everywhere

Blowing little baby kisses

But I wonder if I had my own

Would I fuck it up?

Would I be an understanding and present mother?

Or would I be selfish?

Would I make him or her feel like I am receptive and secure?

Or would I put them down whenever they express a need?

Could I ever hold space for a child?

I could think I am giving them the world, doing my best

Mother of the year

But I fear

It wouldn't feel that way to them

Instead, they would feel like a burden, neglected & traumatized

I don't want them to be like me

I couldn't live with myself if I corrupted that sweet soul before

the world had a chance to