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Why do you hate yourself? You would think that self-love and self-acceptance mean the same thing, right? Wrong! That couldn’t be further from the truth. Discipline looks a lot like self-love, and it's a part of it. However, when going through the process of change a lot of us seem to get caught in the loop of rushing. You question why you weren’t more disciplined and can’t seem to get there fast enough. You beat yourself up. You heavily criticize and build up so much hatred for the one person who has supported you in every way, yourself. Self-hatred takes on many forms, so you can gradually implement self-acceptance by observing your own behavior.
I found that the only time I ever loved myself was when I was doing everything right; I was going to the gym 5x a week, I was waking up early, and staying organized. This was all great! Until it was not. When my bad days came, they came hard, my diet was trash, my sleep was off, I was smoking a lot, and it took me weeks to get myself back on track. I would berate myself. Who would be motivated to make a consistent change by being criticized? More importantly, why did I think this would work? I don’t need to feel less than for my shortcomings, and neither do you. Life is a process of learning and unlearning. Instead, I needed to learn how to show compassion to myself.
Being harsh on yourself will not motivate you, it does the exact opposite. Being kind to yourself will not deter you from reaching your goals.
3 Tips To Build Self Confidence
Tip One: Be curious
Ask yourself why you continue with negative habits and what purpose they serve. What emotions are you running from? Why do you run from them? It’s hard to admit to yourself that a part of you is hurting. There is no reason to judge yourself because you are human.
If it is hard to ask yourself these questions without judgment, imagine you are talking to a younger version of yourself or someone you love. Think about it, you can’t be mean to a child, they’re innocent and know no better. You can’t bring yourself to judge someone you love because you understand that having faults is part of being human; don’t you deserve the same compassion?
Tip 2: Learn to Parent Yourself
The way we speak and treat ourselves reflects how our parents or caregivers parented us. We have taken on their dialogue in our own heads. While our programming is hard to change, I promise it’s not impossible.
Give yourself small to-dos with time limits, for example, you are going to work on a reading assignment for thirty minutes. At first, there might be some resistance to this change, and you procrastinate. Why didn’t you complete the task? How could you do better next time? Remember, you are human, and you will be inconsistent at times. Although it is no excuse, it is no reason to hate yourself either.
Tip 3- hold yourself accountable
While on this journey you may take being gentle with yourself as an excuse to slip into a victim mentality. “...someone with a victim mentality can feel pleasure when they receive attention or pity as a result of their misfortune” (Mindset tools, 8, Sep. 2022). It is crucial to learn balance. You can’t achieve your goals by letting yourself slide all the time. Recognize when you are procrastinating. Sometimes you must tell yourself the truth, even when it hurts.
Implement habits that will help you stay consistent and stay organized. Reward yourself when you complete a task, you deserve it!
Within these three tips, you’ll notice a massive amount of improvement in yourself. The basics will never do you wrong. Of course, these changes take time, it might seem like it doesn’t work at first. Be the person you needed when you were a kid and cherish that version of yourself.
Works Cited
The Mind Tools Content Team By the Mind Tools Content Team, et al. “Managing a Person with a Victim Mentality: Dealing with Team Members Who Won't Take Responsibility.” – From MindTools.com, https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/managing-victim-mentality.htm.